After that first terrible night at the end of Simchat Torah... when we discovered the terrible damage done to the army, its “brain center” on the border, fought endless battles with the murderers, saw the deaths of our comrades, heard about what happened to the civilian population of the kibbutzim, old people, children, women, families... I could not sleep at all. It was very hard to get through that incredibly long day and that night. After all the horrors that kept flashing up and coming back to mind.... And thoughts of what would happen next... I got up and wanted to force myself to start the day: washing my hands, giving thanks, praying... In the morning, a Jew must pray. But I couldn’t. I was separated from G-d by a smooth wall. I was separated from Him by horrible negative emotions.....
Then I opened “Igrot Kodesh.” I cry when I remember it. They are not tears of fear or anger. Nothing makes me cry except... Jews, the righteous, G-d is what causes me to cry.
“Rebbe, what’s going on? One must pray!” I opened the book. The answer is identical to the question: “One must pray... He should imagine he’s someone else, not himself. If he has a hard time praying, he must change his tactics. He should realize that he is the entire nation.”
I understood! The Rebbe said to me, “You are not Yair or Moshe, you are now the entire Israel.”
It began to rain... I became lighter. The despair was gone. Now we have to finish the task with victory. We must neutralize all the guilty elements. And with this mindset, I led the morning prayers.
Major Yair Ansbacher is the commander of the Special Forces Anti-Terror Unit. This article was written based on a video of him speaking on the Kikar Shabat website.